


What The Heart Seeks

by Piroco



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, i wrote this during the national blackout, no beta we die like men, sulky yuuri is my favorite yuuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 16:46:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18123890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Piroco/pseuds/Piroco
Summary: With an Olympic gold and a kiss from his fiancée, Yuuri Katsuki bids goodbye to competitive figure skating.It had been a struggle, a final goal, a promise he made to see the end of his career from the same podium Viktor had stood from five times in the past. Even as Yuuri himself steadily lost hope, his promise and Viktor's continuous support had steeled Yuuri's resolve, and finally he succeeded.And now... He didn't know what to do.-----A commission fic for Circle Walker





	What The Heart Seeks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Circlewalker](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Circlewalker/gifts).



> Another thing I got done during the Venezuelan Hunger Games a.k.a the national blackout.
> 
> This is a commission fic for Circle Walker. This one was long overdue, sorry for the long wait... ^^;;
> 
> The prompt was "what I want", as in, what I personally wanted the most. Tbh it took me longer than I'd like to admit to decide on the answer but ultimately I think I just want to be happy with my life ~~and maybe have a nice hubby like Viktor here~~. So, here it is! I hope you like it~
> 
> Commissions are still open! See end notes for links.
> 
> EDIT: [Now with art by Circle Walker!!](https://twitter.com/CircleWalkerHK/status/1107212968586964992)

With an Olympic gold and a kiss from his fiancée, Yuuri Katsuki bids goodbye to competitive figure skating.

 

It had been a struggle, a final goal, a promise he made to see the end of his career from the same podium Viktor had stood from five times in the past. Even as Yuuri himself steadily lost hope, his promise and Viktor's continuous support had steeled Yuuri's resolve, and finally he succeeded.

 

And now... He didn't know what to do.

 

It's not like Yuuri was unhappy — quite the opposite, this was the culmination of years of blood, sweat and tears upon the ice. But now that he'd passed this lifelong milestone, this incredible feat that had defined the last years of his life, this unbreakable oath he'd made to his lover and idol, Yuuri saw the future stretch in front of him and only felt uncertainty.

 

In the past — before Yuuri's Olympic triumph, before Viktor, before his disastrous performance at the GPF that almost led to a premature end for his career — if anyone asked Yuuri what did he want to make of his life, he would've given them a clear answer. He didn't have any kind of extraordinary wish then: Success in his career so he could provide for his family, pay them back for having always supported him; afterwards he would care for his parents, take over the _onsen_ alongside Mari, dedicate himself to ensuring it ran as efficiently as possible. If Yuuri was successful enough, it could help him promote the _onsen_. He would also do what he could to help Yuuko and her family — maybe teach the triplets, since they seemed invested in skating as he and Yuuko had been. Maybe he would fall in love on the way, start a family of his own...

 

In the past, that is what Yuuri believed to be what he wanted for his life.

 

But it didn't happen like that. He fell on the way, almost destroyed his hopes, and it was his worst failure that led Yuuri to redefine what he wanted, all thanks to one irreverent Russian that had been his greatest inspiration, and who became the love of his life. And while Yuuri didn't regret this turn of fate in the slightest, he found that instead of happiness, the culmination of his' and Viktor's careers only left him feeling lost.

 

He should be happy, why wasn't he?

 

It must have shown in his face, because during a lull in the banquet celebrations Viktor took him aside, away from the other guests and towards somewhere quieter.

 

"Yuuri, is something wrong?" Viktor asked, worry evident in his expression.

 

Yuuri, who was still somewhat anxious from having so many people prying him for attention — being the year's champion and all — and who was until a few seconds ago ruminating on his anguish, was caught off-guard by the question and could only stutter out "W-what?"

 

"Are you feeling alright?" Viktor asked again before adding, "I thought you would be happy after your victory, but you look pained... Are you feeling sick?"

 

"N-No, no, it's not that." Yuuri quickly rectified. "It's... Viktor, are _you_ happy?"

 

It was Viktor's turn to be surprised. "Of course I am! Yuuri, you won gold today! You've been training and trying so long for this and you finally did it."

 

Then he added in a cheekier voice, "And although I only won silver I'm still your coach so it's like a double victory~"

 

Yuuri chuckled a little at that, "I guess it is. It's... I should be happy right now, anyone else would be if they were in my position but I'm just... not."

 

Viktor's expression immediately softens. "Why?" He ask, in a tone that Yuuri recognizes from many times in the past, a tone that doesn't so much convey a question as it does a plea, _Please talk to me_.

 

So he does.

 

"I... I thought that, after winning, after I had my gold and we could get properly married, it would be the best moment of my life, and everything else would just fall in order after that, but... I don't know why, I just feel uncertain. Nothing is like I thought it would be, I don't feel like I thought I would. So what do I do now?"

 

Viktor steps closer, brushing Yuuri's bangs between his fingers. "You know, I used to feel like that too, some years ago. When the novelty of my first gold wore off, when I won my fourth and then fifth one and felt nothing, when I realized how lonely I truly was..."

 

Then he's carding his fingers through Yuuri's black hair, mussing it a bit, and Yuuri leans into the touch, closing his eyes and focusing on his hearing, attentive to Viktor's words.

"Sometimes I still feel like that, but then I look at you and the feeling goes away." Yuuri hears the smile in his voice.

 

A beat of silence passes, Yuuri doesn't interrupt, sensing that Viktor is collecting his thoughts, looking for an answer to give. It takes but a few seconds before he speaks again. "What a mean is that, there's nothing wrong with feeling lost when you think you should be happy instead, and that maybe happiness isn't so easily defined for others."

 

That was half an answer, as for the other half...

 

"So, what do I do then?" Yuuri opens his eyes and asks, or rather, proposes, "What do we do then?"

 

And Viktor smile is radiant, "We look for it. We're retiring with our biggest achievements, what we do from now on is up to us. Of course we'll get married first. We'll have an amazing honeymoon that will have the tabloids in a frenzy, then we could pick somewhere nice to move in, and adopt many more siblings for Makka. And if you don't feel happy with any of that, then we'll set out to find what makes you happy. We have all the time in the world now."

 

And isn't that a nice thought? A gentle smile creeps upon Yuuri's face, something blooms inside him; maybe it's not happiness, maybe it's something else, but still he lets himself be wrapped in its warmth and filled with it he responds.

 

"I'd like that." 

**Author's Note:**

> I just opened a Discord channel! It's mostly for chatting about anything and keeping updates of my works (whether RL decides to give me a break so I can write in peace...) So feel free to check out!
> 
> And if you're interested in commissioning me, or just supporting my work, check my Tumblr for details and ko-fi links~
> 
> [Tumblr](https://piroco.tumblr.com/) | [Twitter](https://twitter.com/fandomtrashpiro) | [Curious Cat](https://curiouscat.me/fandomtrashpiro) | [Discord](https://discord.gg/ChqshqD)


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